What turns women on? And how have men made it so difficult?

What should men know about women and sexuality? It’s much easier than most men imagine to win a woman’s heart than you might think. If you’re looking to win her heart, there is no need to go to the jeweller or florist. You can get a woman’s pulse pumping by a simple gesture. A long, lingering hug or gently sweeping her eyes while she watches Law & Order SVU.

Ladies, get out your printers. Prepare to send this link to the man you love. Ian Kerner, a sex counsellor and author of The Big Fun Sexy Sex Book and She Comes First, gives five tips to help you woo your partner.

Learn how to understand a woman’s brain.

Both men and women have the same experience sexual arouse different people have different desires. One of the significant differences between men, women and men is that arousal for men and passion for women are almost interchangeable. Kerner says that if a man sees something sexy or thinks long and hard about it, it will usually lead to sexual desire — the desire for sex.

However, women need to go a little further before reaching the top of a sexy mountain and strip off their clothes. Then, they can dance like no one is watching. Part of that journey is psychological and is associated with a relaxed state of mind.

Kerner mentions research that shows women must have a deactivated part of their brains to experience anxiety and stress. This is “for women to get aroused, cycle through sexual response, and have an orgasm.”

Making a woman feel aroused, therefore, may start by making her feel relaxed and calm. If your wife is worried about her kitchen becoming cluttered, you might consider giving Cupid a sponge. The little things like folding laundry and taking out the trash cans will make a desk jockey look like a Greek god to an overworked friend.

As if she were leaving, hug her.

Affection never goes unappreciated. A lingering hug is the best way to bring out the good feelings in a woman.

“There have been studies that have shown that hugging your partner for 30 seconds or more, especially in women, raises oxytocin levels,” explains Kerner. Kerner says that Oxytocin, an essential hormone for facilitating trust and connection, is important.

Foreplay can be done at any hour of the day.

Kerner says that a kiss is just a kiss. However, keeping the spark alive 24/7 is essential.

“I think men need to take the concept of foreplay and both expand what’s happening inside the bedroom, but also expand what’s happening outside of the bedroom in the hours and days potentially leading up to sexual intimacy.”

This could be in the bedroom where you have to go all the way around your lady rather than just heading for the border when the lights dim.

Beyond the bedroom, there are many ways to express ‘foreplay’. This could be being kind, considerate, answering her text messages, and calling her to let them know that you will be late. You could say, “I miss you” or “I can’t wait until you see me.”

Make her feel valued.

Kerner believes that sex and self-esteem are closely connected. “I believe that self-esteem is the core of sex for both men and women.”

A woman who feels unattractive is likely not to be whoopee-ready.

Kerner says that men don’t have to feel sexy to have sex. However, women do need to feel attractive. Often, the responsibilities of home and work leave women feeling as sexy and comfortable as a pair of sweat pants.

Kerner says this is where men can help. Kerner says that men can help their partners feel sexy. Kerner suggests making her an “erotic focal person”. It’s your responsibility to make your partner feel sexy again if she’s not feeling it. Kerner says to be an “agent for change”. If you have low desires and desire to have an erotic relationship with your partner, it is up to you to make that happen.

Make her feel attractive by running your fingers through her hair (regardless of how dirty it may be). You will tell her you to love it when she wears the ketchup-stained cat sweatshirt on her bed.

You never know. Perhaps next time, she will take a shower and put the cat sweatshirt in a hamper.

For the ladies, one tip: Give your partner a bone.

Kerner strongly supports the concept of “Charity sex“,” or having sex without your partner when you would rather watch the Mentalist.

“I believe that women need to be aware that sex is what breeds sex and that sex-ruts are what generate sex.

Kerner states that if you allow intimacy to slip in a relationship, your “body becomes de-eroticized.” It’s easy to forget how much you love sex.

It is the best way to remember how much intimacy means to you. Charity sex is like going to spin class on Saturday morning. You might not feel like doing it, but you will be glad that you did.

Did you say that we took the words out of your mouth? This can be shared with your partner, so they have a little insight!

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